Teachers and childcare providers learn valuable skills during training, but may never fully understand how to deal with a difficult parent. Unfortunately, almost every provider will eventually face this situation in their occupation.
For example, statistics reveal more than 2,000 Australian principals have experienced bullying in their professions. While it's unclear exactly where the bullying comes from (superiors, colleagues, parents), many spend an extra two hours each day dealing with parents.
There is no single solution for dealing with parents' issues. The approach will vary depending on the situation. However, a few techniques, like keeping calm and avoiding getting defensive, will increase the likelihood of a positive result.
This article will explore the topic and provide guidance on how to deal with a difficult parent and achieve the best outcome.
Table of Contents
Difficult parents typically have consistent characteristics that let childcare providers know they should tread carefully. Here are some to look out for.
Some parents can be difficult to reach, but things get uglier when parent-teacher communication breaks down. Miscommunication can come from both ends -the parent or the teacher. Here are some examples of how misinterpretations can occur.
Difficult parent conversations become productive when you control your emotions, avoid defensive responses and focus on specific behaviors rather than generalizations. Success comes from building parent relationships through 'we' language, asking for input, compromising when possible, and documenting interactions while respecting their decisions as parents.
Here are 12 actionable tips on how to deal with difficult parents as a teacher for a deeper dive.
Emotional intelligence helps you stay in control when dealing with challenging parents. When you notice stress or frustration building, you can choose a calmer response instead of reacting impulsively. This leads to more positive conversations and shows parents you respect their concerns.
Staying calm also means using a professional tone and body language. A steady voice and open posture help parents feel heard and safe. When you model calm behavior, it’s easier for them to match your energy, and the talk stays productive.
A relaxed approach is especially beneficial in how to deal with a difficult elderly parent who may be stuck in their ways. The calmness will also prevent an episode that could damage their health.
With a level-headed approach to classroom management and parents, you can actively listen to what a parent says. Even if you disagree, try not to get defensive when faced with a concern or criticism. A parent wants to be heard.
Do not interrupt them until they’ve said their piece; try to understand where they are coming from. No matter the circumstances, you both have one thing in common: caring for the child. With this common ground, you may continue a challenging conversation more productively.
Sometimes people can forget that child care providers are human beings, not simply robotic professionals. Using “I” statements in a difficult conversation with a parent helps ground the issue and helps you both find a compromise. In practice, this looks like choosing:
“I feel as if this conversation isn’t productive.”
Rather than,
“You are making this conversation unproductive.”
A simple change in language can make a big difference and prevent the parent from turning defensive.
Remind parents that you share the same goal: helping their child succeed. Pointing out your common purpose builds trust and shows you’re on the same side. Simple phrases like “I know we both care about Emma’s growth” can set a positive tone.
After you’ve stated the shared goal, invite them to rephrase key points in their own words. This “active paraphrasing” confirms understanding and keeps everyone on the same page. It shows you value their views and reduces the chance of miscommunication.
Ending an observation with a question puts the ball back into their court and indicates that you care about their opinions and thoughts. It also clarifies that you need their contribution to solve the problem. That makes a parent feel needed and involved, underscoring the notion of being on the same team.
Parents have a heavy emotional investment in their child. What may be harder to see is their investment in you. Even when they don't show it, most parents value your opinion and are easily hurt when you don't have something positive to say. Any "negative" comment about their child is heard as a criticism of their parenting.
Your best bet is to empathize with the parents' dilemma and express loving concern for their child. Before launching into any concerns, recognize how the parent is working on issues and commend their efforts.
Vague feedback can feel like a personal attack. Instead, describe exactly what you observed or heard. Naming specific behaviors makes your concern concrete and easier to discuss.
Once you’ve been specific, keep the discussion on that single issue. If you drift into other topics, parents may feel overwhelmed or defensive. Staying focused shows respect for their time and keeps the plan clear.
Boundaries are important in childcare. However, some parents may recognize them as restrictive and dislike you telling them or their child what to do.
If you integrate some wiggle room, the parent may feel more comfortable with boundaries.
For example, say a child is consistently late for class. You know the parent is often late dropping them off in the morning, and lately, this unfavorable habit is starting to rub off on the child. They have been arriving late for classes throughout the day.
After speaking with the parent, you find this early morning lateness is occurring because they have another child who needs to be dropped off around the same time. In these instances, you may suggest they drop one child off early and allow the other child to be no more than five minutes late. You may also ask the parent to emphasize the importance of being on time to the child whenever possible.
These loose boundaries with parents could help you find a mutually beneficial solution.
Even the most difficult parent will likely be satisfied with a resolution if asked to input their opinion. That's why compromise is so important. Here are some tips for how to deal with difficult parents that will get you to a positive outcome.
First, ask the parent if they have ideas for moving forward. Is there a consensus between you two on an aspect of the issue? Are there things both of you could improve upon?
Compromise is often the best route in these cases. The results generally favor the child, which is the most important thing.
Communicating concerns with parents cannot prevent an unfavorable outcome. Respect their choice. If, despite all your efforts, they make a contrary decision, that is their right. Eventually, they will remember you cared enough to make a difficult recommendation.
A difficult parent may try to make trouble for a teacher by telling a supervisor a matter wasn't addressed, even if it was, or by saying the teacher tried to do something unethical when finding a solution. That's why it's important to have everything down in writing. A parent portal or email may be helpful in this matter, as it documents critical interactions.
Earlier, we discussed the vital importance of communicating in person. However, this can also make documenting parent interactions difficult. In these instances, you may write a brief summary of the conversation's outcome and ask the parent to sign off on it while they are in a good mood.
Alternately, you can report your communication directly to a superior to ensure no discrepancies later.
Following up emphasizes your commitment to the parent and child, leaves room for improvement, and creates a clear and respectful communication channel. It also shows that you are open to continuing the conversation if necessary.
For best results, don't wait long to follow up. You may reach out after a relevant incident. For example, if the conversation regarded test-taking, you may contact the parent after the next test to determine if they were happy with the experience.
If a relevant incident does not apply, reach out randomly after a week to find out if they've had any new thoughts.
Most teachers prefer to solve issues on their own, without supervisor involvement. However, there are situations when calling in a supervisor may be necessary. Here are some to consider:
Teachers often deal with the strain of difficult parents. According to the TBT blog, 36% of teachers report parents cause them "a lot of stress," while 56% say parents cause them "some stress." School administrators must provide the support they need to handle this stress to ensure their well-being and reduce turnover.
Here are some supportive strategies:
Difficult parents can be challenging, but Vanco makes the process easier. Our childcare software offers features like parent portals, alerts, and automated communication. It handles everything from financials to communication, offering a streamlined classroom environment.
As child care providers know, communication isn’t always easy. However, learning how to deal with a difficult parent is essential for managing a child care program. Whether you’re communicating with staff, students, or families, following the tips provided can help you avoid unproductive conversations that are reduced to arguments.
More importantly, it allows you to actively find solutions to problems through a compromise that promotes the welfare and safety of the children in your care. That’s the bottom line.
Download our free eBook with expert tips to help you improve your child care program and simplify its management, so you and your team can enjoy a less stressful work environment.
The approach to dealing with a difficult parent can vary depending on the situation. However, most teachers will have a favorable outcome if they:
A calm approach should help counter aggression. However, if a parent becomes aggressive to the point where the teacher feels they are in danger, they should consult a superior or law enforcement.
A teacher may want to consult a supervisor about a parent conflict if:
Schools can show teacher support when dealing with difficult parents by: