Teachers and childcare providers learn valuable skills during training, but may never fully understand how to deal with a difficult parent. Unfortunately, almost every provider will eventually face this situation in their occupation.
For example, statistics reveal more than 2,000 Australian principals have experienced bullying in their professions. While it's unclear exactly where the bullying comes from (superiors, colleagues, parents), many spend an extra two hours each day dealing with parents.
There is no single solution for dealing with parents' issues. The approach will vary depending on the situation. However, a few techniques, like keeping calm and avoiding getting defensive, will increase the likelihood of a positive result.
This article will explore the topic and provide guidance on how to deal with a difficult parent and achieve the best outcome.
Table of Contents
- Signs You May Be Dealing with a Difficult Parent
- Why Parent Communication Can Break Down
- How to Deal with a Difficult Parent: Key Communication Tips
- When to Escalate or Involve a Supervisor
- Supporting Staff Facing Ongoing Parent Conflict
- Vanco Can Help with Parent Engagement Tools
- FREE Guide: The Secrets to Simpler Child Care Program Management!
Signs You May Be Dealing with a Difficult Parent
Difficult parents typically have consistent characteristics that let childcare providers know they should tread carefully. Here are some to look out for.
- Frequent Complaints: Parents are sometimes within their rights to complain, but a difficult parent will often complain about matters that may not seem like a big deal to you or other parents.
- Micromanaging: Micromanaging may seem typical of a superior, but a difficult parent can also engage in this behavior. You might notice them asking several questions about your processes and approaches, and then criticizing or making suggestions for changes, even if they don't have relevant training.
- Overstepping Boundaries: A parent who oversteps boundaries may come into the classroom during school hours to observe or criticize you, or ask to attend other school events that parents aren't normally invited to.
- Aggressive Attitude: A difficult parent may have an aggressive attitude. They may be rude, curse, yell, and blame. These parents also may not listen to reason.
Why Parent Communication Can Break Down
Some parents can be difficult to reach, but things get uglier when parent-teacher communication breaks down. Miscommunication can come from both ends -the parent or the teacher. Here are some examples of how misinterpretations can occur.
- Misaligned Parental Expectations: Parents may have different ideas about what to expect from the teaching experience. For example, they may expect their child to learn a certain curriculum or achieve specific grades. They may become disappointed when their child doesn't reach these goals.
- External Stressors: Everyone lives a busy life, and communication often suffers. We count on emails and texts rather than communicating in person, increasing the risk of miscommunication and contributing to misunderstandings.
- Communication Barriers: Communication barriers can arise if parents speak a different language from the teacher or don't have internet or devices to promote reliable communication.
- Distrust: Some parents generally distrust government institutions, which carries over to schools.
- Negative Bias: Parents may feel they only hear negative feedback from the teacher and may misunderstand their intentions.
How to Deal with a Difficult Parent: Key Communication Tips
Difficult parent conversations become productive when you control your emotions, avoid defensive responses and focus on specific behaviors rather than generalizations. Success comes from building parent relationships through 'we' language, asking for input, compromising when possible, and documenting interactions while respecting their decisions as parents.
Here are 12 actionable tips on how to deal with difficult parents as a teacher for a deeper dive.
1. Self-Check: Recognize Your Feelings and Keep Calm
Emotional intelligence helps you stay in control when dealing with challenging parents. When you notice stress or frustration building, you can choose a calmer response instead of reacting impulsively. This leads to more positive conversations and shows parents you respect their concerns.
- Notice when you feel tense, angry, or defensive
- Pause for a moment before answering
- Take a few deep breaths to clear your head
Staying calm also means using a professional tone and body language. A steady voice and open posture help parents feel heard and safe. When you model calm behavior, it’s easier for them to match your energy, and the talk stays productive.
- Keep your voice gentle and even
- Make eye contact to show you’re listening
- Use relaxed gestures (no crossed arms or rolling eyes)
A relaxed approach is especially beneficial in how to deal with a difficult elderly parent who may be stuck in their ways. The calmness will also prevent an episode that could damage their health.
2. Listen and Avoid the Defensive Approach
With a level-headed approach to classroom management and parents, you can actively listen to what a parent says. Even if you disagree, try not to get defensive when faced with a concern or criticism. A parent wants to be heard.
Do not interrupt them until they’ve said their piece; try to understand where they are coming from. No matter the circumstances, you both have one thing in common: caring for the child. With this common ground, you may continue a challenging conversation more productively.
3. Use “I” Statements
Sometimes people can forget that child care providers are human beings, not simply robotic professionals. Using “I” statements in a difficult conversation with a parent helps ground the issue and helps you both find a compromise. In practice, this looks like choosing:
“I feel as if this conversation isn’t productive.”
Rather than,
“You are making this conversation unproductive.”
A simple change in language can make a big difference and prevent the parent from turning defensive.
4. Build Alignment: Emphasize Teamwork and Paraphrase
Remind parents that you share the same goal: helping their child succeed. Pointing out your common purpose builds trust and shows you’re on the same side. Simple phrases like “I know we both care about Emma’s growth” can set a positive tone.
- State your shared goal clearly
- Use “we” language (“we want the best for Liam”)
- Acknowledge their role and expertise as a parent
After you’ve stated the shared goal, invite them to rephrase key points in their own words. This “active paraphrasing” confirms understanding and keeps everyone on the same page. It shows you value their views and reduces the chance of miscommunication.
- Ask, “Can you review our proposed approach?”
- Listen without interrupting as they restate
- Thank them for clarifying
5. Ask Questions
Ending an observation with a question puts the ball back into their court and indicates that you care about their opinions and thoughts. It also clarifies that you need their contribution to solve the problem. That makes a parent feel needed and involved, underscoring the notion of being on the same team.
6. Empathize
Parents have a heavy emotional investment in their child. What may be harder to see is their investment in you. Even when they don't show it, most parents value your opinion and are easily hurt when you don't have something positive to say. Any "negative" comment about their child is heard as a criticism of their parenting.
Your best bet is to empathize with the parents' dilemma and express loving concern for their child. Before launching into any concerns, recognize how the parent is working on issues and commend their efforts.
7. Stay Clear and On-Topic: Be Specific and Focused
Vague feedback can feel like a personal attack. Instead, describe exactly what you observed or heard. Naming specific behaviors makes your concern concrete and easier to discuss.
- Point out exact actions (“I saw Josh push another child”)
- Mention when it happened (“yesterday at playtime”)
- Avoid labels or generalities (“He wasn’t sharing toys,” not “He’s mean”)
Once you’ve been specific, keep the discussion on that single issue. If you drift into other topics, parents may feel overwhelmed or defensive. Staying focused shows respect for their time and keeps the plan clear.
- Gently steer back: “Let’s stick with the sharing issue for now.”
- Save other concerns for later conversations
- Recap the agreed-upon steps before ending the talk
8. Set Boundaries Without Being Rigid
Boundaries are important in childcare. However, some parents may recognize them as restrictive and dislike you telling them or their child what to do.
If you integrate some wiggle room, the parent may feel more comfortable with boundaries.
For example, say a child is consistently late for class. You know the parent is often late dropping them off in the morning, and lately, this unfavorable habit is starting to rub off on the child. They have been arriving late for classes throughout the day.
After speaking with the parent, you find this early morning lateness is occurring because they have another child who needs to be dropped off around the same time. In these instances, you may suggest they drop one child off early and allow the other child to be no more than five minutes late. You may also ask the parent to emphasize the importance of being on time to the child whenever possible.
These loose boundaries with parents could help you find a mutually beneficial solution.
9. Compromise
Even the most difficult parent will likely be satisfied with a resolution if asked to input their opinion. That's why compromise is so important. Here are some tips for how to deal with difficult parents that will get you to a positive outcome.
First, ask the parent if they have ideas for moving forward. Is there a consensus between you two on an aspect of the issue? Are there things both of you could improve upon?
Compromise is often the best route in these cases. The results generally favor the child, which is the most important thing.
10. Respect their Choices
Communicating concerns with parents cannot prevent an unfavorable outcome. Respect their choice. If, despite all your efforts, they make a contrary decision, that is their right. Eventually, they will remember you cared enough to make a difficult recommendation.
11. Document Key Interactions
A difficult parent may try to make trouble for a teacher by telling a supervisor a matter wasn't addressed, even if it was, or by saying the teacher tried to do something unethical when finding a solution. That's why it's important to have everything down in writing. A parent portal or email may be helpful in this matter, as it documents critical interactions.
Earlier, we discussed the vital importance of communicating in person. However, this can also make documenting parent interactions difficult. In these instances, you may write a brief summary of the conversation's outcome and ask the parent to sign off on it while they are in a good mood.
Alternately, you can report your communication directly to a superior to ensure no discrepancies later.
12. Follow-up After a Difficult Conversation
Following up emphasizes your commitment to the parent and child, leaves room for improvement, and creates a clear and respectful communication channel. It also shows that you are open to continuing the conversation if necessary.
For best results, don't wait long to follow up. You may reach out after a relevant incident. For example, if the conversation regarded test-taking, you may contact the parent after the next test to determine if they were happy with the experience.
If a relevant incident does not apply, reach out randomly after a week to find out if they've had any new thoughts.
When to Escalate or Involve a Supervisor
Most teachers prefer to solve issues on their own, without supervisor involvement. However, there are situations when calling in a supervisor may be necessary. Here are some to consider:
- Exceeds Authority: The teacher may be in a situation beyond their responsibility or expertise.
- Unresolved Issue: A teacher may involve a supervisor if they continue discussing the same issues with the parent and do not resolve them.
- Risk of Harm: Additional help may be necessary if the conflict escalates to the point where the parties feel they or the child is unsafe.
- Policy or Ethical Violation: A supervisor may be called upon if the situation is reaching a point where it could cause a policy or ethical violation.
- Need for External Input: If the teacher requires advice on handling the matter, they may consult someone in a mentorship role.
Supporting Staff Facing Ongoing Parent Conflict
Teachers often deal with the strain of difficult parents. According to the TBT blog, 36% of teachers report parents cause them "a lot of stress," while 56% say parents cause them "some stress." School administrators must provide the support they need to handle this stress to ensure their well-being and reduce turnover.
Here are some supportive strategies:
- Relevant Training: Schools should train teachers on how to deal with a difficult parent. They may provide training for conflict resolution in schools and mediation strategies to ensure effective handling.
- Emphasizing Open Communication: Administrators must ensure teachers have everything they need to communicate clearly with parents, including portals and digital tools. They should also distribute materials to ensure everyone is aware of school policies to avoid confusion.
- Time Management: Schools should encourage teachers to manage time wisely, designating specific times for family meetings and similar events.
- Open-Door Environment: Teachers should feel comfortable talking about matters with their superiors. Senior staff members should let them know their door is always open.
- Counseling and Self-Care: Schools should offer teachers resources regarding counseling services that may minimize stress. They should also emphasize the importance of self-care.
- Recognizing Teacher Value: Teachers who feel valued will more likely overcome difficult situations. Schools can promote positive feelings through recognition awards, verbal praise, and bonuses.
Vanco Can Help with Parent Engagement Tools
Difficult parents can be challenging, but Vanco makes the process easier. Our childcare software offers features like parent portals, alerts, and automated communication. It handles everything from financials to communication, offering a streamlined classroom environment.
Final Thoughts
As child care providers know, communication isn’t always easy. However, learning how to deal with a difficult parent is essential for managing a child care program. Whether you’re communicating with staff, students, or families, following the tips provided can help you avoid unproductive conversations that are reduced to arguments.
More importantly, it allows you to actively find solutions to problems through a compromise that promotes the welfare and safety of the children in your care. That’s the bottom line.
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FAQs About Managing Difficult Parents
What are the best ways to deal with a difficult parent?
The approach to dealing with a difficult parent can vary depending on the situation. However, most teachers will have a favorable outcome if they:
- Remain calm
- Avoid getting defensive
- Find compromising solutions
- Empathize
- Ask questions
- Set boundaries without being too rigid
How do teachers handle aggressive parents?
A calm approach should help counter aggression. However, if a parent becomes aggressive to the point where the teacher feels they are in danger, they should consult a superior or law enforcement.
When should I involve my supervisor in a parent conflict?
A teacher may want to consult a supervisor about a parent conflict if:
- They have tried to solve the conflict several times with no luck
- They feel they, or another party, may be in danger
- They are facing an unethical situation
- They require external input
- The matter exceeds their authority
How can schools support teachers dealing with difficult parents?
Schools can show teacher support when dealing with difficult parents by:
- Providing resources for counseling services, if necessary
- Establishing an open-door policy, letting teachers know they are there if they need to talk
- Providing counseling resolution training on how to deal with a difficult parent
- Ensuring clear communication between parents and teachers
- Enforcing the notion of effective time management
- Recognizing teacher value in the workplace
- Providing school communication platforms that document conversations while enhancing convenience
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