Looking for funny stories about tithes and offering? You’ve come to the right place!
Anyone who has worked in a church office knows that raising funds, particularly during the summer months, is a challenge. But the ongoing mission to raise funds must be somewhat funny to church folks and members because there are so many humorous Christian jokes about giving and stewardship and tithing jokes. We’ve gathered some of the best to bring you a chuckle. Enjoy!
20 Funny Stories About Tithes and Offering
Can humor and faith walk hand-in-hand? Can chuckles echo through the sacred hallways of our churches? You bet they can! After all, as King Solomon wisely noted in Proverbs 17:22, "A cheerful heart is good medicine."
Welcome to a collection of 20 rib-tickling tales about tithes and offerings. These stories are more than just a bundle of laughs; they're a fresh, fun and memorable way to ignite conversations about generosity within your congregation.
1. Tithing GPS
Two men were marooned on an island. One man paced back and forth, worried and scared, while the other man sat back and enjoyed the sun. The first man asked the second man, "Aren’t you afraid we're about to die?" "No," said the second man, "I make $100,000 a week and tithe faithfully to my church every week. My pastor will find me."
2. Was the Church Service Worth a Dollar?
As a man and his family drove home after church, he was complaining about everything. He said, “The music was too loud. The sermon was too long. The church announcements were unclear. The building was hot. The people were unfriendly.” He went on and on, complaining about virtually everything. Finally, his observant son said, “Dad, you’ve got to admit it wasn’t a bad show for just a dollar.”
Thanks to Brian Kluth, the Generosity Minister, for sharing two of these funny stories about tithes and offering from his website and to all the other people who contributed their tithing jokes and humorous stories about stewardship.
3. Don’t Mess With Church Ladies
The strongman at a circus squeezed the juice from a lemon between his hands. He then said to the audience, "I will offer $200 to anyone in the audience who can squeeze another drop from this lemon. A thin scholarly looking woman came forward, picked up the lemon, strained hard and managed to get a drop. The strongman was amazed. He paid the woman and asked, "What is the secret of your strength?" "Practice," the woman answered. "I was the treasurer of a Lutheran church for 32 years!
4. Thy Quorum Be Done
A true story: The chairman of the Finance Committee declared a meeting could not be convened for lack of quorum. He asked one of the ministers present to lead ‘'Where two or three are gathered in your name, they have a quorum...’" The meeting was promptly convened with a full quorum!
5. Divine Intervention
Everybody knew the roof was leaking, but the church kept putting off replacing it. Finally, some areas of the ceiling in the sanctuary began to sag. The church called a congregational meeting. A wealthy member rose and pledged $300 toward fixing the roof. Just then, a small piece of the ceiling fell and hit him on the head. Somebody in the back of the church said, "Hit him again, Lord!"
6. Let’s Reconsider…
A farmer lived alone in the Irish countryside with a pet dog he loved dearly. One day, the dog died, and the farmer went to the parish priest to inquire if a mass could be said for his dead pet. Father Patrick told the farmer, "No, we can't have services for an animal in the church, but I'll tell you what. There's a new denomination down the road, and no telling what they believe in, but maybe they'll do something for the animal." The farmer said, "Thanks, I'll go right away. By the way, do you think $50,000 is enough to donate for such a service?" Father Patrick replied, "Why didn't you tell me the dog was Catholic?"
7. A New Roof
A church is holding a donation drive for a new roof. The pastor is giving a speech about the importance of donating and explains that "Donating is not about the money. It's about the principle. I know times are tough right now; there are other ways you can contribute."
A man in the audience looks thoughtful throughout the entire sermon and approaches the pastor after the service and asks, “What other ways can I contribute? Times really are tough lately.”
The pastor smiles and says, “Well, that’s easy. I know you like to go fishing on the weekends, and during football season, you like to watch the games on Sundays. Maybe during your weekends, you could skip fishing and work on the roof here instead, and during football season, you could skip a few games.”
The man looks thoughtful for a moment and then says, “A new roof, huh? Are you accepting checks?”
8. A Dozen Cupcakes
A church is holding a bake sale to raise funds. On the bake sale counter, a sign reads: “Cupcakes: $9 for a dozen, or $30 for three dozen.”
A man approaches the volunteer working the counter and exclaims, “That’s absurd! It’s cheaper to buy each dozen individually, don’t you get it?”
The volunteer smiles patiently and asks if that’s what he wants to do. He agrees and points out to the volunteer that he has saved $3 by purchasing them individually.
Once again, she smiles patiently and after he leaves, she leans over to the pastor and says, “I told you I could get visitors to buy more than a dozen cupcakes at a time.”
9. Eye of a Needle
A Sunday school teacher had an interesting question for her class: “If I were to sell all my possessions, dedicate all my time to the church and donate all my earnings to the church, would I get into heaven?”
She was surprised how quickly the class answered in unison: “No!”
Confused, she asked, “Well, what if I found ways to grow the church, brought in new members and worked my hardest for God?”
Once again, the class answered quickly: “No!” Bemused, she asked, “Well, why not then?”
Many hands shot up, so she pointed at the student nearest her, who exclaimed, “You’re still alive!”
10. A Quarter
During a sermon about donating to the church, a pastor explained that not everyone donates the same percentage of their earnings to the church. He explained that, for some congregants, less than 10 percent of their earnings was sometimes what they could afford to give, and that the church appreciated their efforts. He also went on to explain that for some of the wealthier members, it may even be appropriate to give a quarter of their earnings if they could afford to.
A wealthy man in the congregation felt inspired and ripped up the check he’d written for the donation box as the pastor spoke. After the service, he approached the pastor and told him he’d been inspired by his sermon, that he was very wealthy, and he planned to donate a quarter of his earnings. The pastor smiled warmly, thanked him for his generosity and shook his hand.
The wealthy man smiled as he left, pulled a quarter from his pocket and dropped it in the donation box on his way out.
11. Saying Yes
Jim has been one of the most faithful members of the church for years. Any time the pastor asked if anyone had anything to donate, Jim had always said “Yes.” When the church food drive needed volunteers, and Jim was asked, he said “Yes.”
When the church needed repairs for a roof, and Jim was asked to join a fundraising committee, he promptly said “Yes.” For anything that was asked, Jim was always glad to help. After years, the church had grown significantly thanks to all of Jim’s hard work; he’s donated a significant amount of money personally over the years, he’s been an effective leader on the fundraising committee for the roof, and he’s always been around to play any support role asked of him.
Finally, the pastor asked him: “Jim, I’m not complaining. Your presence here at the church has been an incredible blessing. We all love to have you around, but why don’t you ever say no to anything? Don’t you ever run out of energy?”
Jim shrugged. “I guess I don’t really, no.”
12. The Suitcase
A wealthy man is preparing his final affairs. He’s confident he will go to heaven; he’s worked hard all his life, been kind to others, donated most of his fortune faithfully to the church and spent most of his free time performing volunteer activities for charities and his church. Still, he’s worried that all his earthly wealth and the fortune he built and donated will be meaningless in heaven. Sadly, he wonders if he won’t be recognized for his accomplishments.
He asks his loved ones if they will bury him with a suitcase, and in that suitcase, he packs two gold bars — to remind him of all he accomplished in his time on earth. When he gets to heaven, he’s distraught to realize that at the pearly gates, he no longer has his suitcase.
St. Peter apologizes and explains: “We don’t really let you take things with you here. But, hey, don’t feel bad! We’ll get you some brand-new paving bricks at any time! They’re everywhere!”
When an airline pilot and a pastor arrive in heaven at the same time, St. Peter warmly thanks the pastor. He explains that he did a great service, devoting his life to God and the church, and that due to his efforts, he was able to get many congregants to pray and turn to God.
As a result, his efforts have been rewarded, and he will live in a luxuriously large house in heaven, complete with all the amenities he’d ever wanted on earth but had turned down for a life of faith — a swimming pool, a sprawling lawn, a beautiful garden and even the sports car he’d always dreamed of. After St. Peter finishes explaining all this, he tells the pilot that he will also receive an even larger house, complete with two swimming pools, a hot tub, a garden maze and even a rare supercar.
Confused, the pastor asks, “I don’t understand. I’m grateful for everything I’ve received, and I’m happy that my brother is being rewarded, too, but why does he get so much more?”
St. Peter smiles. “Oh, that’s simple. You were an excellent pastor, and you were able to get around 80% of your church's visitors to pray more and turn to God. But he was a terrible pilot, and he was able to get 100% of his plane’s passengers to pray and turn to God.”
14. Omega and Alpha
A pastor had been hard at work for the church’s donation drive for weeks when he noticed that his car needed an oil change. He took it in and on his way back, realized he was passing a congregant’s house. He stopped, thinking he might say hello and ask them about making a donation for the drive.
He knocked but received no response. Just as he was about to leave, he noticed some movement behind one of the windows, so he rang the doorbell and waited another moment. Finally, he gave up, pulled out a donation pamphlet and scribbled “Revelation 3:20, Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me.”
That Sunday, after passing around the donation basket, he noticed that the pamphlet had been returned to him, clipped to a donation. On it was scribbled: “Genesis 3:10, He answered, ‘I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid.’”
As an elderly woman was making her way to church, she was accosted by would-be robbers. As they confronted her, she worried; she had a considerable donation with her for the church. Normally, she might’ve just given them whatever they asked for and left, but she was determined to make sure that this money went where it belonged.
Bravely, in a shaky voice, she cried out, “Stop! Acts 2:38!” To her surprise, the would-be robbers quickly fled. Quite shaken up, she reported the incident to the police, who later caught the robbers. When asked by the police why they had changed their minds and left her alone, they answered, “Well, she said she had an axe and two .38s.”
16. A Million Years
A man is praying in church and speaks to God. He asks God what a million years is like. God answers, “A million years, to me, feels like less than a second.”
The man thinks hard for a moment and finally asks, “So what about a million dollars? What’s that like to you?”
God replies, “It’s like a penny to me.”
The man thinks again and asks, “Well, can I have a penny?”
God replies, “Sure, just give me a second.”
17. Donating Blood
A priest, a pastor and a rabbit walk into a blood donation clinic. The nurse asks them what their blood type is.
“I'm type A+,” says the priest.
“I’m type B-,” says the pastor.
“I’m not sure, but I think I might be a type-O,” says the rabbit.
18. Altar Ego
A woman who lives next door to her pastor is amazed because he has such different personas inside and outside of church. When she sees him around the neighborhood, he is always soft-spoken, shy and mild-mannered. But, when he preaches, his voice fills the church and he has a strong presence that commands attention. He’s always able to keep all eyes on him as he preaches and keeps his congregation entertained and on their toes.
After a particularly successful sermon about the importance of donations that garners an unusually large collection, she asks him his secret, “How do you manage to change personas like that?”
He smiles at her and says, “Oh, that’s easy. The loud one is my altar ego.”
During a service, a pastor was discussing donations and tithing with his congregation. He asked them, “If you had a million dollars, how many of you would be willing to give 10 percent of that to the church?”
Almost all the hands went up except for one man.
After the service, the pastor noticed the man walking past him to leave and stopped him to ask, “Why would you not be willing to give 10 percent if you had a million dollars? Is there any greater joy than serving God?”
The man looked sheepish and replied, “I guess not, but I actually do have a million dollars.”
20. Making a Donation
During church, a boy pulled a few coins from his pocket to drop in the donation basket that was being handed around. He was surprised when he felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned around, and a man behind him silently handed him a $20 bill. He was surprised at the man’s generosity and wondered why he hadn’t dropped it in the basket when it came to him, but nonetheless dropped the bill in the basket.
He felt another tap on his shoulder, and when he turned around again, the man said: “That was your $20. I was trying to tell you it fell from your pocket.”
Stewardship Simplified: Your Blueprint for Graceful Giving
It's always a delicate dance when discussing tithes and offerings — it helps if it’s accompanied by a dash of humor and a sprinkle of unexpected moments! We hope these funny stories about tithes and offering help make this process easier. But laughter aside, we recognize the genuine challenge church leaders face when broaching the topic of stewardship.
We all squirm a bit when the topic turns to money, right? Yet this conversation is essential for the vitality of our congregations.
Beyond tithing jokes, to make this discussion a bit more structured and perhaps even a tad less awkward, we've crafted an in-depth eBook for leaders like you. Dive in to...
- Discover the golden rules of financial stewardship.
- Learn about untapped revenue sources.
- Get the blueprint for an impeccable stewardship plan.