Anyone who has worked in a church office knows that raising funds, particularly in summer months, is a challenge. But the continual mission to raise funds must be somewhat funny to church folks and members since there are so many humorous stories about stewardship and giving. We’ve gathered some of the best to bring you a chuckle. Enjoy!
Two men were marooned on an Island. One man paced back and forth worried and scared while the other man sat back and was sunning himself. The first man said to the second man, "aren’t you afraid we are about to die." "No," said the second man, "I make $100,000 a week and tithe faithfully to my church every week. My Pastor will find me."
Was the church service worth a dollar?
As a man and his family drove home after church, he was complaining about everything. He said, “The music was too loud. The sermon was too long. The church announcements were unclear. The building was hot. The people were unfriendly.” He went on and on, complaining about virtually everything. Finally, his very observant son said, “Dad, you’ve got to admit it wasn’t a bad show for just a dollar.”
Thanks to Brian Kluth, the Generosity Minister, for sharing two of these stories from his website and to all the other people who contributed their humorous stories about stewardship.
Don’t mess with church ladies
The strongman at a circus squeezed the juice from a lemon between his hands. He then said to the audience, "I will offer $200 to anyone in the audience who can squeeze another drop from this lemon. A thin scholarly looking woman came forward, picked up the lemon, strained hard and managed to get a drop. The strongman was amazed. He paid the woman and asked, "What is the secret of your strength?" "Practice," the woman answered. "I was the treasurer of a Lutheran Church for thirty-two years!
Thy Quorum be done
A true story: the chairman of the Finance Committee declared the meeting could not be convened for lack of quorum. He asked one of the ministers present to lead in a prayer. Tired of the lengthy meeting, the minister intended to help the cause when he prayed: "Lord, we thank you for your Word that says, 'where two or three are gathered in your name, they have a quorum..." The meeting was promptly convened with a full quorum!
Everybody knew the roof was leaking, but the church kept putting off replacement. Finally some areas of the ceiling in the sanctuary began to sag. They called a congregational meeting. A very wealthy member rose and pledged $300 toward fixing the roof. Just then a small piece of the ceiling fell and hit him on the head. Somebody in the back of the church said, "Hit him again, Lord!"
A farmer lived alone in the Irish countryside except for a pet dog he loved dearly. One day the dog died and the farmer went to the parish priest, inquiring if a mass could be said for the dead pet. Father Patrick told the farmer: "No, we can't have services for an animal in the church, but I'll tell you what, there's a new denomination down the road, and no telling what they believe in, but maybe they'll do something for the animal." The farmer said: "Thanks, I'll go right away. By the way, do you think 50,000 is enough to donate for such a service?" to which Father Patrick replied: "Why didn't you tell me the dog was Catholic?"
Simplify Summer Giving
Now that we’ve made you chuckle about raising money, let us help you ease the stress of summer giving. Recurring donations help members keep their intentions while away on vacation and help YOU find a more reliable income all year long. Questions? Download our guide.
Top 10 Operational Questions about eGiving